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Lie Told While Moving a Subscription Box to Atomic Comics &
Gaming
In
2004, several shameless people came forward to compete for the
most audacious lie told while moving their subscription box
to Atomic Comics & Gaming. One in particular stood out for
its brazen audaciousness. Congratulations to Reverend Justin
(an alias to protect his real identity), who won a $50 gift
certificate to the store for being so honest about his shameful
lie.
FIRST
PLACE: Reverend Justin
To
the holders of my previous subscription box...and my heart,
We had a good run. 5 years. It was more than anyone predicted
we'd be able to stay together. In the beginning it was wonderful.
You were there when I needed you the most. And I was there for
you. Through
ups, downs, crossovers, and gimmicky covers, we saw each other
through. Dumping is such a harsh term, think of this as growing
together, completely apart. Neither of us had any illusions
about what this
was. We knew it was only a temporary thing. That we managed
to drag it out so long, was just an attempt to prolong the inevitable
end. Like a Peter David comeback...we were never meant to be.
Things grew worse over the years. The crispness and care that
we took with our relationship bent like the spine of my Rom
Spacenight collection. Soon our hours of carefree banter became
tense non-verbal courtesy. The way you used to see me as special
was lost over time. Till I, despite our history, became just
one of the rest. How many had you while we were together? My
suspicions grew. I could tell from the used mylar in the wastebasket
that I wasn't the only one. Silly me to think I could be special.
Though I don't hold it against you...I know it's just a job.
Me? Someone else? That's just crazy talk. There's no one that
can take the place of what we had. You were my one and only.
I mean that. Others might offer, might tease me with attention,
but I know how it'll turn out and I just say thee nay...I would
never cheat on you. Let alone go behind your back and start
up something just because of someone new. Trust me. This isn't
about anyone else. This is about you and me...and there isn't
anything left of you and me.
This time apart will be good. You'll see. You'll grow, meet
new people, branch in directions you never could have with me.
And I...I'll be okay. I'll just spend some time focusing on
myself, not what others can give me. It'll let me grow. No...I
can't stay, it would just be a facsimile of something great
if we stayed...like some cheapened tawdry version of what is
good and inspired...like the Valiant universe. No...better that
we just walk away and end this volume of our run. Remember the
good times in a one-shot and just say goodbye.
You'll always have a special place for me. You bagged and boarded
my heart.
-Reverend Justin
PS:
Yes...there's someone else.
PPS: Humped your sister.
